Mr Testicles diary

How many people are listening???

2007-12-01T07:47:00.000-08:00

Radio 5 Live interview and a trip to BBC, WOW!!! My pubes tingled as I entered the building thinking of all the great and the good that had entered before me. Little old me at the BBC.
Eamonn Holmes the charmer himself made me feel right at home and who else was there only the lovely friendly face of Lindsey from Nuts TV (traffic reporting) who again made me very welcomed. Again I hope to post the interview soon but safe to say our TV licence fee money is being put to good use. I think i would have been more nervious if i'd known how many people listen to the show, but everyone loves the Holmes.
Oh and for anyone watching BBC News 24 at 9:50 that big shadow that walked passed the back screen was me…

Nuts TV

2007-12-01T07:10:00.000-08:00

Its all getting a bit mad, Nuts TV what a show. The beautiful Lindsey “hello!!” I was invited on to Nut TV and was forced to dance with beautiful girls in little pants. Forced! I had a long chat to the very robust OJ and the lovely Lindsey who really looked after me. Hope to post the interview soon but I had a great laugh and the young vibrant team at Nuts TV were on fire. Thanks guys

"Adopt A Bollock"

Ted,Ted a huge pair of Testicles is on the telly.

2007-12-01T07:01:00.000-08:00

Graham Norton the famous dancing priest on Father Ted and one of Ireland best stand up comics and TV hosts gets personal with Mr Testicles. Keep and eye on Sunday night BBC 2 Graham Norton Show for little old me. I was so well looked after. Thanks to all the team on the show for all their love and support.

Mr Testicles.

Lucky Balls.

2007-11-27T15:37:00.001-08:00

What can I say? 40,000 people and one giant ball bag… the press had a field day. Total pun Heaven. All I can say is Everton FC are top of the league when it comes to supporting charities. They made me feel special and gave me so much support.
Stepping on to the pitch, warming up with the players… every school boys dream.
As for “Hit the bar”…I need you all to understand something, testicles do not have great vision. As I said before I have the poorest foot/ eye coordination and could hardly see the ball, never mind the post. To even score a goal into an empty net is a colossal achievement for me, so I was over the moon to put two into the back of the net.
Adrenaline filled testicles is somewhat of an understatement. Iam still buzzing.

Poor Sunderland, I hope that when we head to their club, I can rub of some good luck on to them.

Making match of the day 2 was a highlight; it seams Benny Hills love child (Adrian Chiles) had a few witty comments to say about me…Howdarehe.

But all in all a wonderful experience were hoping now that every premiership club follows Everton’s lead and educate their own supporters on male cancer.

MR TESTICLES X

happy days

2007-11-27T14:02:00.000-08:00

Adopt a premiership bollock

Everton Vs Sunderland.

I now know how premiership footballers feel the morning of a match. Giddy with excitement and nervous to a point of being sick. As all footballer commentary goes, “It’s a Big Day!!!” Don’t need to be Gary Lineker to tell me that. It’s possible my biggest event, possible 48,000 people watching a giant pair of testicles kick a bag of wind around a field. Not for the first time I hear you cry.

In all seriousness I have not kick a football it what seems like a life time, “GoodGazzaSkills!!” Were the cries the last time I kicked a ball, that’s how long ago it was. So today I walk out at half time with Everton and Sunderland fans watching my every move. My biggest concerns are if I fall over… My aerodynamic incompetence can hinder my stability, so no over head kicks for me. Even straight forward keepie uppies are somewhat troublesome, due to a serious lack of eye/foot coordination, and as for headers, out of the question- pube deflection I could score an own goal. Put all of that aside this giant bollock still made the Premiership. Yahoooooo! Hope for us all.

Everton FC have showed they are a club with balls- Allowing a giant ball bag onto the pitch at half time some would think this has “Boo” boys written all over it. But this brave move will allow their supporters to view our website and hopefully save men’s life’s. Male cancer awareness campaign will be asking all clubs to follow Everton lead and help educate their supporters on male cancer. Or failing that hoping that their talent scouts spots me.

So my thoughts as I board the early train to Liverpool are with all of the major football mascot in the country. The giant chickens, oversized dragons, mutated pirates and dogs. These wonderful and sometime bizarre arrays of giant mascots that give clubs, players and supporters total encouragement through bad times and good….This giant testicles salutes you all! I feel sick as an oversized parrot but excited as a colossal cartoon kitten. My Premiership debut is about to begin. As the great footballing icon once said…. “Haveit!”

Love you
Mr Testicles.

Ouch!

2007-10-08T08:15:00.001-07:00

5:30am start my kit bag is all packed, I am excited and raring to go! I head out into a dark Chicago but somehow the city has retained all its heat from yesterday! Volumes of concrete, avenues, streets, skyscrapers acting as heat retainers would have it say on the race day.

Loaded up with 3 litres of liquid! Mixture of nerves and giddiness about the start I arrive with 30,000 other runners to be welcomed by an amazing sunrise. The temperature is now rocketing.

You need to understand, I left London knowing this weekend was going to be hot. But by Friday race organizers must have known it was going to be the hottest marathon they ever ran! So bare that in mind.

The adrenaline fuelled start had everyone in high spirits but by mile three I had noticed how much people were sweating. Me, well it’s nearing 88 degrees and I am a giant pair of testicles! Clear to say I have never sweated so much in my life, by mile 5 I am doing really well. The volume of support was at times deafening, but it was my fellow runners who gave me the support I needed. “Go Mr Testicles, Go ball sack man!” The uncountable thumbs up and well done was very touching.

By mile 12 just on the half way line the numbers of people dropping out had me a bit concerned but as we approached mile 13, water had run out! The panic was not fully impacted; I kept hope that the next station would have the much needed fluid to power my muscles! But by the 14, 15 mile markers little or no water and no power drinks were available. Panic! It was the good people of Chicago who came to my rescue. Now I am lucky, people take pity on a large pair of testicles running a hot marathon! But total strangers were offering me their drinks, spectator offering their supplies, even a lovely lady buying drinks from the shops to hand out to runners!! Household of neighbours offering ice and drinks, My huge thanks to these good Samaritans and special thanks to Rob, Cris, Sam and the lovely lady. Thanks you because with the temperature now hitting 90 degrees it was getting deadly serious.

The lack of power drinks now causing serious concern with runners. The first aid post were now filled and by mile 17 race rumours spread that the race was cancelled! Now I did not fly 4,000 miles to not finish a Marathon! No one told me but by mile 18, 19 and 20 I’d seen no mile markers! We had been redirected! Fire hydrants were on full blast and had been since mile 13, now that’s all well and good for your average runner, but for a giant pair of testicles getting hit by one is like trying to carry someone. I weighted 40 lb heaver thanks to soaking of water and by mile 20, my weight in water and sweat was excusing! The race director had stopped the race. The temperature had spiked to over 90 degrees and the lack of water and power drinks had become a nightmare. The walk back to the line was a sombre, frustrating time.
Made worse by the pandemonium with 10,000 runners turning up at the opposite end of the park to where the finish line was!
No direction, no guidance, total confusion! I, like the rest, was getting a medal no matter what. We hit the faster finishers and their supporter in the middle of the park where there was a massive mix up of runners. My legs in the vast heat were going to buckle. After much shouting and finger pointing we marched down to the finish line in the wrong direction just to finish!

Frustrated, annoyed, hot, sticky, tired, sweaty and now in great deal of pain my marathon time 5 hours! Not bad considering I missed out 6.2 miles!

The race director made the right decision. 300 runners in hospital, and one person dead, My thoughts go to friends and families.

But with hindsight like I said at the start of the race officials knew it was going to be hot! Drinks should have been at every mile marker. The problem is Marathons are a great mix of professional, amateur and fun runners, that’s what makes the events so great, also that’s what makes it so dangerous!

I have proved that under extreme condition This ball bag can dig deep but not with out love and support from others.

My huge thanks to the people of Chicago for their love and support and looking after this giant sweaty nut sack on this hot, hot day, and to my all my fellow runners. Well Done!

Dont for a second let this put you off doing a Marathon. A Marathon is one of the most exciting things you can ever do! That start line buzz ,seriously could power a town there is that much energy.The people you meet, the laughs and the tears even the pain make you feel glad to be alive and that medal, ooooh is worth it. Ive met some amazing people on this journey, but that is the power of a Marathon.

Mr testicles x

2007-10-08T08:14:00.000-07:00

How Far????

2007-10-06T17:07:00.000-07:00

Oooooweeeee it’s hot, the windy city???? Has no wind and it is hot hot hot. I got of to a flying start. The start of what seams a typical English winter cold, sniffle and sneeze’s and in a 5 mile warm up things were looking good, feeling mighty fine! As they say here, But as I step of the pavement sorry sidewalk, my ankle screamed OUCH!!! Over all not the best start.
However Chicago is Top’s. It’s got everything, even a beach. Chicago people are very friendly and boy do they love their baseball!!!!
So after wandering around town, Downtown in what seams to be a never ending film set of all my favorite movies. I like this city! With an amazing sun set over the stunning skyline, I am now all strapped up and ready for another tough challenge I'll be at the start line tomorrow, Sunday. Vaseline up, raring to go! With 35,000 others. I have to say I am very nervous,
Here hoping I don’t die tomorrow, 26.2 miles running around Chicago in ball busting temperatures. Can you imagine the headline??? Pun Heaven, Literally.
In fact I am drinking so much liquids now I am worried I might have to do a "Paula Radcliff?" and no That does'nt mean I'll be finishing the Marathon In 2 hr 10 minutes??, I ment pulling off to the side somewhere and water the flowers!
My aim is simply to finish! And with your love and support I will.

If you fancy running next year for Male cancer awareness please get in touch!
Please, if you can donate a few quid or better still adopt me for only 7 pound a month (best Christmas present ever?) Adoptabollock!
I'll let you know how I get on
Love you

Mr. Testicles.

The eagle has landed.

2007-10-06T16:59:00.000-07:00

Chicago, home of the Blues, and Harrison Ford, how cool is that? and not forgeting the first ever sky scraper.Leaving a cold and damp UK . UK security gave my balls a good seeing to, so thanks to all the staff at Virgin and Heathrow airport for your support and giving my sack a good going over and checking for lumps! The flight was magic, the views over Greenland and then America, breathtaking. 8 hours later landing in Chicago-
Down to serious business, to get ready for the 26.2 miles that taken in the best of Chicago.
Huge thank you to Debs and Patty for their huge act of charity finding me an amazing place to stay thank you!

Mr Testicles

Mummy It hurts

2007-09-18T12:05:00.000-07:00

Ok a serious lack of training has forced this ball bag to take serious action. Thanks to the support and Love to Virgin Active this nutsack is getting fit.

Thanks to all the Staff at Virgin Active Mayfair for allowing this giant testicle somewhere to get fit.

After some serious ball slapping and chaffing all this sweating is playing havoc with my hair but i hope it all helps.

I fly out to the Chicago,the windy city on Wed 3rd of October so please support me in my 26 mile endeavour and donate.

As per usual I will keep you all up dated.

love you all

Mr testicles

Pondering testicles..........

2007-07-22T10:08:00.002-07:00

While I failed to raise the funds needed for the charity, I am still hoping that over the next few months I can bring in the funds needed. I did raise the profile of the charity. And that’s a good thing!

I did this challenge to help save men’s life’s… Estimated that over 1,000 men lost their lives to male cancer over the 3 ½ weeks of this challenge! That means 1,000 families mourning the loss of a loved one... 1,000 groups of friends who will miss their friend's company. And 1,000 communities that have lost someone close to them.

Just think how many of those 1,000 men, had they known the early warning signs of male cancer, could have caught the disease in its early stages, and it would be a completely different outcome.

Please, please, please help me educate more men on the importance of early detection! Please donate and help this fantastic charity save men’s lives… do it for men and their fight against cancer…

Donate on line, post a cheque, fundraise or even host an event! Get in touch! And help me raise the £50,000 that is needed!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This giant nut sack has a lot of love to give.

And this list of thank you's could be vast…

Thank you to everyone who showed this ballbag huge love and support during my Mr Testicles Challenge. To all the Good Samaritans along the way who gave me lifts, who fed me, who gave me a bed to sleep in… hugest thank you! I could not have done it with out you!

A special thank you to all the clubs and venues who provided gifts and support!

A huge ballbag cuddly thank you to a very special girlie - Emma - for providing 100% support over the whole 4 week period. I could not have done it without your love and support. Thank you Emma.

To the back up team - Sue and Paul, Laura, Tom and James and the charity trustees. Your love and help allowed me to shine… x

19th July.... I have made it!

2007-07-22T10:08:00.001-07:00

The morning Scottish sun was blasting and baking my ballbags as I set off on my last leg... only 14 miles to John O Groats. I had a lovely evening and spanking full big brekkie from my bed and breakfast hosts Bob and Silvia. Thank you for your hospitality!

The road was small and narrow and secular with rush hour traffic being all of 2 cars (which passed me in one hour period!), but I was determined to get there and if it has to be by my own bollock power... so be it. The day was one of the finest total blue sky and roasting sun, with a slight breeze that caressed my pubes as I marched forward.

At part of my walk to the end of the UK I passed a field of cows who started to follow me... I stop, they stop... I continue, they continue...t hey must have me confused me for a handsome Bullock not bollock!! haha! I continued on my way, as I did not want to be found worrying cattle!

My 5 mile march and the cliffs of John O Groats was almost in site, and then... my One and Only, My Last Hitch!

Graham, a Father Christmas look-a-like, retired Manchuinian and cauli-flower-eared ex-wrestler, moved to this paradise 5 years ago... and since he lost his wife he has stayed ever since. And now he lives his life- cycling, walking, fishing and doing odd jobs. It was my Good Samaritan Graham who delivered me to my John O Groats, grand finale finishing post! With a vice-like hand shake we said goodbye... and there I stood, after nearly 4 weeks, and over 1,660 miles! I had made it!!

I stood by the small harbour that only last week had a pod of Orca whales playing nearby! It was a view I won’t forget in a hurry…! Aah, those islands in the distance, the blue sky and clear water were what I remember as I crossed the finish line.

This has been a proper adventure! I have met some of the most amazing people and listened their stories. I’ve seen this great and amazing land…. and it's cities, towns and villages. I’ve devoured its fruits and local produce. The UK takes some beating at times - this land, its people, its hardships, its history and its future. This testicle is a better testicle because of this amazing journey. This land is full of goodness! We hear so many bad and negative stories, and I do hope that my adventure has shown that there are so many good people who care. There is a lot of love out there…

As I stand on the last point of the UK, the sun toasting my wrinkled sack, a giant hairy testicle, his hair that curls wind swept and his smile wide…!

Lands End to John o Groats… One big testicle TICK!

Love you
Mr Testicles x

18th July... On my way to Dornoch

2007-07-22T10:07:00.001-07:00

Inverness and a spanking dinner last night. Thanks to Good Samaritan George for providing an outstanding Indian meal and thanks to all the staff at Rajah!

Full and happy, I slept very well in a lovely bed and breakfast! There is just something so lovely about staying at someone's home and walking into the smell of a cooked breakfast. This morning's breakfast was with two Germans who'd arrived in Inverness for the Highland Games! I had a good laugh, as the four-course breakfast confused the two lads no end, as it was their first ever trip to Scotland! This is what makes B&B’s great - they're not hotels!

After yesterday and a change of tack, the narrow roads and the increasing danger of my ballbag being whacked by large lorry wing-mirrors or worse still... the turbulence of a speeding wagon sucking my nut sack under its wheels gave me an aching shudder! So I dressed to impress!

I put on my kilt, my sporran and white socks and brogues and asked for help. I managed to secure a train ticket that was kindly donated = Hitch! The donated ticket delivered me to Wick, a stones throw to John O Groats! Well, if you’re a highland games champion. I was away. This was a lovely relaxing hitch, happy days.

One stop off at a whiskey distillery (well, it is Scotland ;) and followed by a relaxing lunch in Dornoch. A beautiful attractive village with a lovely beach. I really like this town!

This gave me plenty of time before my connecting train to Wick. The sleepy train view was spectacular but some of the stations are some of the remotest I’ve ever seen! The gentle rocking put this ballbag to sleep along the way! Its now late and a after long train ride, I arrived with the finish line only ONE day away!

Love you
(a sleepy) Mr Testicles x

Way way up north near Inverness...

2007-07-19T11:32:00.000-07:00

An overcast morning and the mist is playing havoc with my pubes. I set of full of smiles! I've even made it into the Scottish Sun newspaper (but not page three ;). The editor clearly had a pun-fest... my first appointment was the Loch Ness museum, yes an entire museum dedicated to the beastie…

The loch is itself very beautiful, but is more renowned for its large and rarely seen beastie! I did give a few of the nessy spotters a bit of a fright... However I couldn’t get rid of the playful prehistoric pest. It's flipper splashing me as a walked along... I’m just kidding, I didn’t see a tap ;)

The hitching today was the hardest yet... the lack of traffic is a bit worrying but more worrying is the occasional super-fast speeding large lorry or coach. The roads are tiny and very bendy and my oversized ballbag is somewhat of a hazard!

Certain sections were deemed too dangerous so I ended up walking the most part of it! After 6 hours and for the first time, I entered my destination under my own bollock power!

I tried so hard today but I am so dependent on Good Samaritans and instead I got my first teaser... What is a teaser you wonder? Well, a teaser is where a vehicle slows down and stops... and just as you get there, they take off! This teaser was a band in a huge white van (which will remain unnamed)... they stopped and wanted a photo but would not give me a lift as they claimed they had no room in their huge van? Oh well, they got their photo and I was left to hitch on the near empty tiny bendy road. I have one thing to say to you lads... Hope the gig goes well...

Arrived in Inverness worn out and again (not for the first time) sweaty as only a ballbag can get!!

Wet testicle, damp testicle, battered testicle, warm testicle...

2007-07-18T15:04:00.001-07:00

Talk about four seasons in one day!
- Horizontal rain
- Darken Clouds
- Hail stones
- And burning sunshine…

And that was all before 11am. Glasgow was a blur! My first appointment was Glasgow’s Xscape and Snodome. They invited me back to try my pubes at rock climbing. I love a good challenge. If I can hitch across the UK, then surely I can climb a rock wall!

So, I put on my binding, crippling, sticky climbing shoes and my harness. Now here’s a tip… a harness needs to be put on with ultimate love and care ensuring the family jewels are safe from harms way. This Large Family Jewel took a bit more time and care than most!
Indoor climbing is huge fun. It can be as easy or as difficult as you like. It’s a great way to keep fit and gives the body and mind a huge work out! Flying up the wall using my bollock power to make the difficult route, and with a clumsy slip I nearly came short when I went to place my hand only to find a hand grip that looked like it was shaped like a nutsack…I nearly fell off the wall from laughing so hard!
It was great fun, but again I had worked up a mighty sweat. The next challenge was the suspended assault course which pushed my ballbag ability immensely and I apologise to all the open mouthed spectators below as I struggled around this scary height, and my mighty sweat gave way and I started to drip!!

Thanks to the Pete and the guys at the climbing wall… Had such a great time. I spent another hour at the Ski Dome with a press photo shoot and because you know how much this testicle loves to ski. So thanks to all the team for making a giant nutsack very happy indeed!

Then it was onwards to Fort William… My concern turned to the distance and the time constraints as I set off. After a 5 mile hike I became more concerned at the lack of traffic in my direction… and while the horns of support from the other side of the road were plentiful, it was the view that totally distracted me. It blew my mind on the edge of Lock Lomond, so beautiful as the road twisted and became very, very narrow I felt that my awkward sweaty presence may soon be swept under a speeding coach. Combine that with several hard flicks from large ferns flapping against my sack and having my ballbags grazed by barbed blackberry bushes… But, I battled on and my persistence finally paid off!

Mary, a retired nurse, became my much needed Good Samaritan for the day. The lovely Mary did not look her age and in retirement now teaches young women who what to become nurses. We talked and laughed, her love for her job was so clear. This beautiful country is losing its best nurses to other countries and we should be looking after them. Thanks to Mary and all lovely nurses of land! Your hard work and energy are appreciated by this hairy testicle!

I was absolutely loving god’s country as they call it! With the sun beaming down on my sack, I waved goodbye to Mary, but had failed to make my full destination to Forth William. The roads were deemed too dangerous and ny now it was already 8pm. With 16 miles to go I called in for support!

It gave me a chance to take it all it in… Scotland, the real Scotland is so beautiful… Forget Russ Abbots “see you jimmy” hats (Tartan ginger hair bits) or faux bagpipe cushions… this view from Glencoe to Fort William is true Scotland. This was my Forest Gump moment (you see, part of this challenge was inspirited from the Tom Hanks film Forest Gump… “Ijustlikerunning”) The cinematic views of America in this film are breathtaking and sell America’s real beauty. Forest Gump tells “His jenny” about how “whenthesunnycomesupjenny” (sorry my Forest Gump impression) So, he tells his Jenny how he could not tell where the sky started and the lake ended. The refection of the sky in the lake was so beautiful.

Standing there, waiting for support, was that moment for me! The evening sun beating down on my tired and sweaty hairy sack. I sat and waited and reflected. One car passed in that 30 min wait. Funny, because only 4 miles outside Fort William I stopped off for a photo opportunity with the support team. There I met Gerhard, a German biker, who was prepared to drive me into town on his 250 cc Mz Sidecar! Ha! So, I arrived at my destination covered in dead midges after an exhilarating ride! Thank you Gerhard.

After that long journey, I ask you to do what you can and donate to help to raise the vital awareness for male cancer.

Love you
Mr Testicles x

Big Splash makes for a wet ball bag!

2007-07-17T15:58:00.000-07:00

Awoke this morning to the damp Scottish Mmm-I-S-T... which does not do much for the hair that curls. I left Edinburgh upset that I should have had more time to spend here. My first appointment was.. wait for it, get this... white water rafting! Wahoo, my balls are going to get splashed. So, i arrived and was met by the team.... Thanks to Kevin for the invite!

Toby, my captain, is the nearest living ancestor to a Viking. Water is in this man's blood. Toby has the coolest beard, a bigger than life character and rivers and climbing are his life! He was born to be outside! I got suited and booted and got my training before being lowered into the river Tay… This is such a great way to see real Scotland and gave me a few moments to reflect on how beautiful this land is. This was my first time white water rafting and I was very excited... damp, but excited!!

Toby then explained the entire worst possible scenarios:
1. Raft capsizes
2. Lose a member of the crew.
3. Find your self under the boat.
4. Find your self caught in a rapid.

A quivering testicle was not the word. The bollock was getting wet no matter what the outcome!

I was scared now, and there are not too many things that giant testicles are frightened of:
1. A glancing blow of any kind!
2. Railings or any other Apparatus that could so happen to fall upon and cause 1.
3. A miss-swung stick or bat or ball at any kind!
4. A large zip
5. A flick or nudge to cause 1.

So, with that in mind me and the crew set off full paddle.. we soon learn the first lesson was to learn to trust your crew… I got wet! “Nowforwardtogether” boomed our Viking ancestor.
We pulled a wheelie where the raft pointed vertical! All the crew had to trust each other, and splash... this ball bag got wet. After several “nowforwardtogethers” we worked well as a crew and had loads of laughs! On the last rapid all, Toby our Viking ancestor's worst possible scenario came true!

My pubes are ruined!!

It was amazing and so much fun. Bit sore, very shrivelled and very very wet. Thanks to all the team at Splash and to Kevin for your love and support.

Then lucky me happened to get a lift to Glasgow from two of the lads that where rafting with us. And then a tired wet ball bag fell asleep, and the last thing I remember thinking was Wow, Scotland has great clouds! I was bollocksed so to speak… and felt slightly embarrassed when we arrived that Id slept nearly all the way! Thanks guys for he lift and please do get in touch…Mr Testicles feels bad :(

So a tired, and now damp, hairy nutsack arrived at Premier Inn Glasgow to real Scottish hospitality! Thanks to all the staff at Glasgow Motherwell Premier for all their love and support.

Now please dig deep, we need to raise serious money to help raise more awareness for male cancer. Please donate online or adopt me damp nuts!

Love you
Mr Testicles x

Yonder north we go...

2007-07-16T01:44:00.001-07:00

Day 14 and the big unfamiliar hot circle in the sky is bright! What a beautiful day! This is the finest day of the summer so far! I leave Newcastle, already looking forward to my return. My first hitch is quick... standing on the A1 and I get a call... Its Inge! My Good Samaritan has decided to change her plans and take me to Scotland as she’s never been! Lucky me… The music’s good, we have driving sweets and some drinks and away we go!

Scotland is one off the longest legs and it feels like a real road trip... Singing, car dancing and laughing and sweet munching away, the A1 as to be one of the nicest road views in the country, and the unfamiliar sunshine highlights it perfectly! Before long we are the border. Aah, Scotland.

Home of kilts, porridge, bagpipes and iron brew! The landscape changes and screams SCOTLAND... I do my best Shrek impression “DONKEY” and we soon arrive in one of Europe’s best cities. Edinburgh has something so special to it... it’s a stunning and beautiful city and has a real energy that can match and better anything in Europe!

So I was invited out for a top dinner at Olive Branch, a lovely bistro in the heart of the city. The food was outstanding and highlights the best of Scottish produce! I really really enjoyed this evening and said goodbye to my Good Samaritan Inge.

Thanks to Stuart for his support and to all the staff at the Olive Branch. A relaxed and happy ballbag watched an amazing sunset over this amazing city. Thanks to Premier Travel Inn again for their love and support.

Love you
Mr Testicles x

Ballbag of the North

2007-07-14T12:42:00.000-07:00

WOW!!! This testicle is worn out! Day 13 and off to the slopes! Been invited to Xscape, the premier indoor ski slope, worrying now about my odour... but a quick sniff reviews that I am good to go! I get suited and booted and step into the sub-zero temperature. Again (not for the first time on this adventure) I nearly shrivel up and do a Houdini! My nut sack is aching from its reduction in size, but this dare devil ball bag is about to carve up the slopes! But first a large fear most men have, and a fear of giant testicles... the dreaded pommel lifts. Stories across the land of skiing holidays ruined after bruised testicles from mis-used pommel lifts, but... I overcome my apprehension and am soon elevated to top of the run!

Poised like a downhill racer on ski Sunday, I leap, whiz and glide down the slopes.. my pubes flapping in the bitter cold, pulling some excellent carved turns I arrive at the bottom to the claps of the crowd. One young five year old even shouted "Well done Mr Peanut!"

A quick second run and this adrenalin-filled hairy peanut somehow has overcome the shrivelled state… And it was my good friend Rich who told me about Xscapes Valentine Nude evening a few years back where several nude men and women partook in naked skiing… “There wasn’t a lot to see,” laughed Rich. But it’s when he told me of their naked toboggan ecsapades - legs akimbo and several cases of frozen sphincters - that I laughed out loud! The poor buggers! I love skiing; I love it so much that sometimes I dream of it!

But I quickly changed from my skiis and got a chance to get my snowboard out and catch some air! And for all you snowboard heads... No, I am not a Goofy bollocks I am regular (Binding talk)! I zipped down the slope and caught some air! YAHOOO!!! Like my French ski instructor once said “Mr Testicles you are very brave, but you have no style…” And what did he expect! I am a giant ball bag! Skiing and snowboarding are such fun. It is such a social past time, great for fitness and a great way to meet people and make new friends. It’s a great experience for families and such a fun thing to do! Parents take your kids here; you will laugh out loud together and have a day you won’t forget! Oh Skiing… I LOVE IT!!! My huge thanks to Richard, Kieran and all the Staff at Xscape in Leeds for their love and support. I had such a great morning.

And so onto the Newcastle…I have a special place in my scrotum for Newcastle and in it the beautiful and highly talented Skandia Inge. Inge from Norway now lives near Whitley Bay! Inge very kindly gave me my first and only hitch and a bed for the night!

But three hours stuck on the A1, THREE BOLLOCKING HOURS, to move 2 junctions in the only nice sunny day this month! This scrotum does not know if it’s coming or going…my bagginess in this heat has been noted and must have been the expanding effect of going from sub-zero to car-melting-hot too quickly.

I arrived at 'the angel of the north' and got a good, quick photo… Anthony Gormley is such a talented artist so I paid homage to him... I’ve called it hairy ball bag of the north!

Thanks to my Good Samaritan Ingeborg for my lift, my dinner and bed for the night. Over the halfway mark now and Scotland awaits!

Please don’t forget to donate on line! The charity needs your support and don’t forget you can adopt this daredevil too!

Love you
Mr Testicles x

Friday 13th not a good day if you are a damp testicle!

2007-07-13T11:08:00.000-07:00

They say it’s grim up north and my damp pubes would agree! First appointment was a Fungus Free Bolton wanderer (they were giving some love to the pitch so no testicles allowed, but they very kindly donated a signed ball!) So thanks to all at the club for their support. I was hoping to meet Peter Kay but it didn’t work out! Still it’s on my wish list!

Stuck at a service motorway station (that will remain nameless as I wasn’t wanted a very much paddy and max moment… Howdarethey!...) they did not want me there as they were afraid I would draw complaints….what? little old me! They were very courteous but no room at this inn for this hairy fellow. So I stood out in the lashing rain and bitter cold for several hours! This has without a doubt been the toughest day so far... no one stopped, stuck at a motorway service station that didn’t want me and struggling to find a hitch. What Good Samaritan would let a soaked shriveled-up scrotum into their vehicle?

So, this damp pubed ballbag after 3 hours in the lashing rain, had to call it a day. I knew this challenge would always be hard but the weather has gone against me Cough..Cough.. You see giant testicles Cough, are not keen on the damp. I called in support to get to Leeds for tonight. Thanks to the Premier Travel Inn and TGI Fridays for their much needed love and support.

AHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Friday the thirteenth! THAT’S WHY!! Ive just realised its Friday the 13th... forget walking under ladders or black cats crossing your path.. a totally rain-soaked pair of testicles trying to get in your car has to be a big superstition on a Friday 13th!

Phew! Thank goodness for that! Tomorrow a big day… This ballbag hits the slopes and heads to Newcastle!
So please remember I am doing all this to raise £50,000 to raise awareness for male cancer. Please dig deep and donate online.

Love you
Mr Testicles x

All things sweaty...

2007-07-13T09:08:00.000-07:00

Still in 'the pool' and time to visit the two teams that make Liverpool Liverpool! First up is Goodison Park, the home of Everton and they very kindly let me onto their pitch. It's an amazing stadium! And their own player Alan Stubbs had suffered from testicular cancer. Wish them all the best for the season, and big huge thanks to Val for all her love and support!

Next up, I was surprised to see just how close Anfield is to Everton... I arrived at Liverpool Stadium and there we met Brian, an ex-Liverpool professional, and we learnt all about the new plans for Liverpool's new stadium. Again I am blown away by these passionate vast crowd holding places! I can only imagine the noise, the sheer din of the crowd! Thanks to Brian and big thanks to Tom who gave me the full tour! Even got a chance to go into the lads changing rooms! Big pair of testicles in a football changing room? Haha!

With that I said goodbye to the city of Liverpool - next year to be the 'city of culture 2008'… which as a local taxi driver shouted, "Bollocks, Liverpool has always been an amazing city... a city with talent and a city rocked by hardship and yet it's their outlook and their wit that has always got them through! So its always been a city of culture to me!"

So back to it... a hitch to Bolton, and due to the typically bad northen weather , I used rule no 3 of hitch hiking and orginised a lift the night before! Laura, a newly qualified laywer, had very kindly offered to drive me to Bolton, thanks Laura! It's now Day 11 and I am really feeling it! This giant pair of testicles needs a bit of care and attention! So thanks to Virgin Active were I was looked after fabulously!
First a workout, followed by some serious care from the ladies in the Hula Class where I showed of my hula hula skills, and made the girlies laugh as the hula hoop whizzed around my lower sack!

Then onto a spinning class to show off my fast cycling on a fix bike… wow, if you ever need to work up a sweat this is definitely the class for you!

Now insert your own pun please, of the sauna… and a chance to chill out and relax by the pool and the hot tub!

This was badly needed and this giant ballbag is now relaxed, refreshed and ready to go. Thanks to Craig and all the staff at Virgin Active for their love and support.

Please adopt me,
Mr Testicles x

Eating like a King at 60 Hope Street, and boxing like a ballbag while the real guy went to see the queen...

2007-07-11T15:29:00.000-07:00

Hello from up north! Day 10! Well what a day!

I arrived into Manchester completely worn out! And the morning gave a north wet welcome! The morning started with training at Ricky 'the hitman' Hatton Gym in Denton. Ricky was down in London collecting more medals (this time, one from the queen!) and well deserved Ricky is not only one of the best boxers that the UK has ever produced, but he is a true gent. He is proud of his local roots and is completely grounded and 100% focused! I am proud of what Ricky has achieved and how he has achieved it!He is a world champion and a real role model! So while he was down meeting the queen, I had a chance to punch his bags!
Putting on the gloves I could feel the power of my twitching sack unleashing my ballbag force onto the poor punch bags…Wow! Within minutes I worked up a sweat (and not for the first time on this trip) and pounded the bag with a fury of jabs, uppercuts and blasting blows.

Then stepping into ring, the same ring Ricky uses for sparing… my balls were swelling with pride, and with a call from my corner "Go Go hairy Nutsack!" I pounched around the ring like a gaint pair of bollocks should... shuffling, ducking and diving and unleashing my bollock power-blows to my trainers pad! If only Ricky could see me now!

One two, jab jab (wipe some sweat from my family jewels)... Bang Bang, blow after blow... Bell rings and I am still standing... In the Hairy corner... The One The Only…The Balls the Ballbag Bollock M-I-S-T-E-R T-E-S-T-I-C-L-E-S !!

Thanks to everyone at Betta Body Gym, Mrs Kays, Billy and all the guys.

Then back to it and I struggled to get a hitch, but about 40 mins later the wonderful Katie - a paramedic from Leicester - gave me my hitch and dropped me in the Liverpool!

Aah, Liverpool! How I love this town! The Scouse wit and some really beautiful girlies, and of course Ringo Starr! Ringo has always been my favourite Beatle, so I made a trip to the Beatles Story and thanks to all the staff for looking after me so fantastically!
Then it was time to get spruced up for a night out! I had my dancing shoes on just in case and I put on some nice smells too... Ahhhh! Oooooh that stung a bit... aftershave on the sack is never a good idea! ;) Thanks to Colin and all the staff at 60 Hope St Liverpool for the most amazing dinner!

My food critic appeal is limited, but I know what I like. Now I may look like AA Gill, but that’s as far as it goes! This restaurant - 60 Hope Street - is one of the top in Liverpool and gives some major London restaurants a run for their money! And its is easy to see why... The chilled atmospheric feel, combined with a fantastic menu (whereby every single plate that passed my table, I considered quickly changing my order!) The menu was filled with mouth-watering teasers as I struggled with the culinary choice... In the end I went for scallops in a lime sauce followed by a medium rare T Bone steak, and then that was followed by one I thee best lemon tarts I've ever had!

Mmmmm! This meal was badly needed and was totally outstanding! Eating out is one of the most important parts of life, with friends or family or loved ones... Excellent locally produced food, cooked by skilled professionals and served by dilligent waiters …Its great to be alive! Thank you Colin for all your support.
Had such a wonderful day!

So don’t forget to adopt the "ballbag bollock Mr Testicles"

Love you
Mr Testicles x

Mr Testicles on ice...

2007-07-10T15:44:00.000-07:00

The morning sun gave me and my sack a lovely warm glow! It sure was a nice to see real summer morning sunshine again! However, stepping into the changing room of the men's ice hockey team at Ice Sheffield gave me a real shock!! The smell…WoWah! Phew!! Think of a marathon runner who has put his 26 miles of sweaty smalls into his thank you sponsor bag and forgotten all about it, and then several weeks later goes looking for his marathon program and opens the awaiting stink bomb!!

Ok, so think about that smell and you're not far off… Seriously though, I nearly collapsed! But in fairness these boys do work hard. I quickly changed and stepped out onto the empty rink and my sack instantly shrivelled up like a walnut whip, feeling like a miniature stepping onto the coldness of the ice rink! I nearly disappeared it was so cold! So a few warm-up laps to show off my skating skills and in no time the colour had come back some what!

You see, testicles are designed to be 1 degree cooler than the body… which is why they hang outside the body! So I was designed to be cool! How cool is that!
I continued to warm up and shot a few pucks with the lads (who gave my balls a few wincing flicks) So I mashed them into the wall and luckily escaped the ball bag sin bin. I had a great time! Thanks to the lads at Sheffield Scimitars. A quick change and then the beautiful and skilful Kelly fully warmed my cockles... forget dancing on ice, we nearly melted the ice, DingDangDo!

This testosterone filled Torvel and Dean wiped the floor. If you want to see a giant pair of testicles and the beautiful Kelly go for Olympic gold, then have a look at the video ice link!
I had an amazing time at Ice Sheffield - it's an amazing place!

On the way out I had a chance meeting with John, a youthful 71 year old, who took up skating after he lost his wife 2 years ago! John goes skating 4 times a week as part of his keep fit program! Ice skating is a fun and exciting way to keet fit and great family fun too! My tip is to get down to your local ice rink and have some fun while getting fit! It was lovely to meet you John... I hope that I have your energy level at 71!! Big thank you to all the staff and supporters, and big love to Shaun, Kelly, Lexie and the Sheffield hockey team!

Tired and sweaty, but on an absolute buzz, I quickly gave an interview to the very lovely Laura at BBC Radio Sheffield! After that I pushed on to get my first hitch of the day and it was our new charity trustee Paul, in his amazing vintage VW Van Cool who very kindly gave me a lift to Manchester! It sure has been a full on day!!
Thank you to the staff at Premier Ttravel Inn Hyde for your love and support.

Overall today I seemed to have laughed so much that my ballies ache a little, so a hot bath and early to bed for me!

So come on, and adopt this ice-skating-pirouetting bollocks for just £7 a month!
Love you
Mr Testicles x

To the home of the Beatles I go...

2007-07-10T15:43:00.000-07:00

Anyone out there able to offer a lift from Manchester in the morning to get to Liverpool? Or perhaps offer a big ball bag a bed for the night?

Good night,
Mr Testicles x

2007-07-09T14:05:00.001-07:00

Well, day seven and my first full week on the road and I have to admit it’s a lot tougher that I had expected! Don’t get me wrong... I knew it would be hard, after all its not everyday you see a giant pair of bollocks looking for a lift. But today a new experience in hitching: My first motorway hitch with an awkward journey!

Today, motorway hitching looked like the best option! It was hoped that a Good Samaritan would be found at the Leicester Forest East service station... So in the beautiful morning sunshine and with a large crowd watching from the packed motorway services, I picked my spot and stuck my (now tanned) thumb out!

I’d like to thank the two bikers who stopped and offered pillion a ride but as I pointed out I am somewhat aerodynamically challenged. Just over ½ hour waiting and the gods of hitching shone down! Francis from a Leeds chauffeuring service picked me up in his deluxe executive tour bus… wow, this is posh hitching at is bes! And my Samaritan provided me with a lift for the whole 60 miles... happy days in total luxury comfort!

This lift gave me a chance to reflect over the past week, and motorway hitching is now a vital part to achieving this challenge! The motorways of this land are amazing, a hive of industry and tourism, they don’t always work well... but when they do work, they are wonderful flowing veins keeping this wonderland alive! A huge thank you to Francis for this important part of the leg!

Arrived into Sheffield, home of steel and the full Monty, to see some of the after-affects of the flooding! Well I suppose one month of rain in one day will always cause problems, but I was taken aback to see just how much damage was caused!

I then spent the afternoon with our charity volunteer Paul who is about to become our new trustee! Paul lost a dear friend to testicular cancer and we are glad to have Paul on board. Volunteers are vital to charities and Paul’s donation of his time and skills is huge, so thanks Paul and thanks for the bed for the night as well.

My evening was spent, somewhat relaxing, with pizza and cold beer with my dear friend Dr Robert Cutting and his lovely wife Kirsty. We watched a rare and amazing sunset (not quite the Forest Gump montage vision I had in mind) but not far off! …Still waiting for that one! It was beautiful and this giant pair of testicles stood there and took in the amazing view!

Big day on Tuesday, as this ball bag is full of testosterone and excited as little old me is gonna be dancing on ice!

Wish you were here,
Mr Testicles x

Sheffield to Manchester...

2007-07-09T14:01:00.000-07:00

Manchester is a calling tomorrow... And I've heard that the people get more friendly the further north you go! Wow, Ive had a great time so far and people have been fabulous to a chap like me already!

Any offers of lifts, yummy food, a soft pillow to rest my weary balls, or perhaps some suntan cream if the sun comes back would be most welcome!

More later after dinner,

Love you,
Mr Testicles, x

Suntanning, ham sandwiches and sniffing Dobermans...

2007-07-09T01:36:00.000-07:00

Sunday morning and the weather was perfect! I set off in high spirits just outside Birmingham and after several miles I got my first hitch from the lovely Ruth - a hard working mother of three! Thanks Ruth!

Back to pounding the miles, maybe it’s the call of Sunday lunch or the recent lack of sun but I was finding it hard to get a hitch, and my magic thumb was getting sore! By now I was sweating like only a ballbag can (sniff sniff… not too bad), but with 6 miles still to go to Leicester its looking like I will get there by my own steamy sweat! With horns of support a plenty and what’s now looking like sunburn… Yip, a sunburnt sack! Ha ha! (Mental note: must get someone to put sun cream on for me!)

Eventually two cars return and offer me a lift. The guys are on convoy to go for a picnic and are my good Samaritans for the day! It’s a tight squeeze, but with heavy metal blasting we race into Leicester. Thanks to Jules, Luke and Paul for your support and getting me to Leicester! I made it only one hour later than planned which is not too bad!

Time to take in some Leicestershire Cricket Club sunshine and watch the lad’s wack some balls. Thanks to the entire crowd for your support and donations and sorry to both team for stopping play!

(Whoops, I stood too close the side screen, distracting play ;)

Then it was time for Sunday dinner! Mmmmmmm! A bit sunburnt, and ready for a feed after my march there is only one place in Leicester… In my opinion thee best ham sandwich in the whole UK! This is without a doubt balltastic!! I mean this is the Mother of all Ham Sandwiches in The Globe, Wow! Thanks to Lynne and Sarah and Ed for all the support and for the yummy dinner!

Also huge love to Good Samaritan Julie for putting me up for the night! Arrived at Julie's house and her Eddie gave me a funny look and a good sniff…! Eddie is Julia's much loved Doberman and has spent the entire evening giving me funny looks… Down Eddie, down naughty boy! I am sure dogs see me as some kind of humping toy or a large hairy bone! Ha ha!

Well, its been ONE week already and what an adventure it's been! From feeding sharks to blowing glass, eating amazing food along the way and meeting incredible people, all with a story to tell! Thank you again to all who have helped this ball bag be half way up the country already on my epic adventure to raise awareness and funds for Male Cancer Awareness Campaign! I've still got TWO weeks to go, so do get in touch and share this adventure with me!!

On Monday I really need your support… big trip to Sheffield and I will need all your help! Don’t forget to get everyone you know to donate or just adopt me and have me for ever and ever and ever!

Love you,
Mr Testicles x

Saturday night balti's and a ball bag out on the town!

2007-07-08T13:46:00.001-07:00

Today a large, hot circle appeared in the morning sky! I heard that it’s called the Sun… what a beautiful real summers morning it was, and this break in the weather gave me a chance to warm my cockles at last!

Rule number 3 for hitching: Ask the night before for a hitch the next day…

It worked a treat! Peter from the Pudding Club was heading in my direction and so he became my first and only hitch of the day! Straight to Birmingham and to our first appointment the Halfpenny Green Vineyards.

Lisa and her family are grafters, and their hard work, commitment and love have seen an award winning wine produced here in Blighty…! Gave me a chance to taste the fruits of this fine land…WOW! Being a giant scrotum I am no wine expert but I was surprised and really enjoyed several tasters. Lisa totally inspired me! Her family has been rocked by prostate cancer, but her family's hard work and commitment and vision has seen a family business flourish! With a love of wine, they turned from farming to winemakers, and I am glad they did! Their support of local produce is incredible and has grown their shop as well as highlighting the best of local produce from small producers all over the UK! not to mention the taste…WOW!

We need to support local producers and we need to support the best of British. The reason is simple because we should…! The local tomato soup was just magic, the local ham amazing and the freshly homemade cream tea was ballbagtastic! We need to support this great land's harvest and the people that nurture its fruits and bounty. To all the farmers, fishermen and local product industries of this land, I salute you! You inspire me! Lisa thank you for the amazing lunch and your support!

So, back into Birmingham... The hair that curls is L-O-O-K-I-N-G good, and I am putting on my dancing socks and dancing shoes “he he shamone”…. This hairy nut sack loves to dance and tonight I am hitting the town! First a visit to the local balti (well we are in Birmingham and it is a Saturday night!)... then me and my shiny dancing shoes had been invited to a gay bar, gay bar, gay bar! Well, a large nighclub in fact. The very handsome and highly groomed Simon from Nightingales had given me a big slot on stage so that I could promote male cancer awareness to the gay community. Thanks to all the guys and girls for looking after me and allowing a giant ball bag to strut his stuff! Much fun!

Time to put these dancing shoes to bed,

Love you,
Mr Testicles x

Cotswold's food is the bollocks!

2007-07-07T05:26:00.000-07:00

No rain that has to be good… got a good feeling about today, heading into the Cotswolds…surely the real England.. Again I think we all forget how magical this huge country is... but my thumb is out and bingo! Matt is the first hitch and celebrating his 2:2 degree!!

Second hitch by a truly good Samaritan, 79 year Geoff - a volunteer for 15 years to Vale Wildlife Rescue Hospital! He was delivering a broken pigeon to the hospital and picked me up on the way! This hitch gave me a chance to meet this great charity as well. You see, this is why charities need committed volunteers and their hard work so much! Without them charities would not survive! Geoff dropped off the injured pigeon and delivered me to Evesham. Geoff you're a top bloke, love your spirit!

Then to experience again the culinary delights of this fine land "The Fleece" at Bretforton! Ok, I am now going to let you in on a little secret... this is one of my all time favourite pubs in the world!! A real pub, a gem of an Inn, a proper English pub with real ale and real character! I sometimes dream of this pub it's that good! That's how much I love this place! Nigel is a champion and provided me with a magnificent lunch! ...forget Gordon Ramsey's F Word... this "Is" the bollocks! Local succulent sausage on a bed of creamy mash with rich red wine gravy….DONE!!! I woofed it down. Thanks to Nigel and his wonderful staff for their hospitality and support!

This ball bag, now fat and happy after lunch started out on the road again. And within 100 metres... ding dang do! The lovely Lynn delivered to the door of Billy Shakespeare. Many thanks Lynn. Thanks to all the guys for getting me here in one piece!

So to Billy's house we go! And if I had to name five things that sum up England:

- Warm beer,
- Cricket,
- Fish and chips,
- Rain, (and of course...)
- William Shakespeare

I arrived at his birth place in Stratford upon Avon! And sat in his lovely garden. I met John - the most elegant and without a doubt the most dapper man I've met! John is going to search the archives for a Shakespeare quote about testicles...how cool is that! Thanks to all the staff at the William Shakespeare Birthplace Trust!

And finally something I've been looking forward to since I planned this adventure… The Pudding Club in Mickleton!

Again, forget Gordon Ramsey's four word ranting…. This is what makes England great! English puddings! I love this place, and again I like it so much, I sometimes dream of it! If like me you love pudding, this place is heaven! Thanks to all the guys for their love and support at the Three Ways House Hote,l home of the World Famous Pudding Club Spotted dick.....done!

Don't forget to adopt this pudding loving ball bag! £7 a month -see the link below.

Love you
Mr Testicles x

Mr Testicles gets his hose out...

2007-07-05T13:42:00.000-07:00

By chance I also popped into to the lads at Gloucester Fire Brigade, and they gave me a chance to get my big hose out and splash some boots! “Look at me, look at me, I’m a fire testicle... ha ha ha…Look out for my big hose!!!"

I love these guys and girls, they put their lives on the line day in day out… and realistically I don’t think we give them a thought until we need their vital service! In my eyes these guys and girls are heroes and we should be giving them all the support they need.

This particular station has been rocked by testicular cancer. Several years ago they lost one of their most promising fire fighters to testicular cancer... and more recently, fireman Scott Turner is currently in treatment for this bollock disease. Scott's story is one of cancer fighting rather than fire fighting! I met up with this powerhouse of a man, larger than life fire fighter and his story is one I hear far too often… Education of male cancer is vital! Looking forward to working with Scott to ensure that all his fellow fireman colleagues are well educated on male cancer!

Guys, you see, that is my job and that’s why I need to raise £50,000! That’s why I need your support so much! That’s way I am breaking my balls in this challenge! It is a simple case if testicular cancer is caught and treated early! It provides the best chance of kicking cancer's arse!! Education will provide lasting change in the fight against male cancer.

I wish Scott a speedy recovery and thank him for sharing his story and I look forward to working with him soon. Please challenge your company or boss to donate a few quid…

Thanks again to all the crew at Gloucester Fire Brigade, and a big sorry about splashing your boots! ;)

Love you,
Mr Testicles x

Mr Testicles tests his hitch hiking methods... and goes live on air!

2007-07-05T13:24:00.000-07:00

Hitch hiking??? Hmmmmmm! Overall there are two schools of thought:

1. Stand with thumb out and hope someone stops...?

2. Bash some miles by walking towards said destination, holding thumb out...?

Found out today that the latter worked best, and overall I marched about 6 miles with the wind sweeping gently through my pubes! And I am away! 4 hitches in one day! Happy days... met some great people...

Rhys from yesterday provided the first leg, and I left Wales with a promise to return. The beautiful smiley Fran provided the much needed second hitch! Fran is a hard working mum of three and still manages to be a teacher in between! And she gave me a lovely gift of my favourite CD, WOW! Thanks Fran!

Onward with my march, thumb out! My only worry now is that my now sweating ball bag might deter future hitches, but alas my charm won the day!

Wonderful Geri provided the third hitch! Geri is an ex army girl and the country should be proud of girls like Geri who are in the forces! Thanks Geri for the hitch and your support!

On the last leg the enthusiastic Ian and Lucy, who were heading to London for a party, picked me up! Thanks guys! Little old me has inspired them to cycle Lands End to John 'O Groats next year to fundraise for the charity, huge thanks to you guys!

So I arrived in Gloucester in record time…! Now that’s what I am talking about! Thank you to everyone who helped me get here today!!!

After a quick comb of the hairs that curl to make myself presentable, I met with Anna King, the very sexy voice of BBC Gloucester Radio Drive Time, who provided a lovely interview and gave me a chance to play DJ… look out Terry Wogan... “Ah….. soitis” my best impression! Ha ha!

Mr Testicles takes the trophy and explores the the Millennium Stadium!

2007-07-04T16:05:00.000-07:00

Back to it, the kingdom of Wales and the rain, but that’s Wales, surely it would not be Wales without the rain? A 3 mile walk, and horns of support aplenty until my good Samaritan took the shape of an old Audi driven by Rhys, a true Welsh gent, who was my second hitch of the day onwards to the city of Cardiff and to the Millennium Stadium!

Rhys was an amazing young man! Now isn’t that what hitch hiking is all about… meeting people and hearing their story…! Rhys had fallen on hard times but his grit and determination to seek happiness in everything he does changed his life around! An amazing story and a man who can offer so much, especially to young people who face many of the same problems he faced! Good luck in the job hunting… Rhys, keep at it! I am very proud of you…!

Arriving at the stadium, I was immediately WOWed! The staff really looked after me and with Rod Stewart getting ready to strut his stuff this weekend it gave me a chance to look around the stadium. I spent some time in the changing rooms and was allowed to lift the trophy... don't I look dashing ;) (and I also got a chance to do my Tom Jones dance …Yeehaa!)

So all in all, a great day finished off with gorgeous dinner at the Orient Pearl (below) thanks to Rob and the staff for their incredible support and hospitality. What beautiful food, Mmmm! The chicken black bean sauce was scrumptious and we had a spanking wonderful view over the bay! The feed and the rest well needed.

Not much time to rest for Mr Testicles though, as tomorrow my adventure continues and its time to leave the Kingdom of Wales already.

I will be heading to Gloucester tomorrow and again, your support will be heavily needed!

Don’t forget you can still adopt me!

Love You,
Mr Testicles x

The only (Mr) Testicle in the village...

2007-07-04T15:23:00.000-07:00

July morning rain started us off, but I had a good feeling about today! Set off and soon after, Bang!! …*the magic thumb* worked a treat, and the lovely Sue dropped me off at our first stop of Newport!

And just like that, there little old me is… in the Wales! Wales - home of great singers, passionate sport fans and Lamb Sunday Roast (mmmmm, should have come through on a Sunday ;)

It’s good to be in Wales, where our first appointment was a chance meeting with the British cycling team who were training hard at the outstanding Welsh Velodrome. We watched the lads whizzing around the high-banked track at break-neck speed. The three-spoked carbon wheels at a pube thickness away from each other... Shoo, this was precision racing at its best! Proper sack twitching stuff, all the more twitching when you find out that it costs nearly £20,000 for a push bike that weighs lighter than a pair of tight pants…!
Thanks to all the team at the Velodrome and to the coaches and lads and girls of Team GB for their support! Good luck for the European Track Championship. All future Olympic in my eyes!

Plus I got a chance to speak Manx to two of the lads on the team, Peter and Joel from the Isle of Man. For those who don’t know… I was conceived on the Isle of Man! So here’s a Quick lesson in Manx:

- “HayBoy” = Hello
- “Howyoudoingthenfella” = How are you?
- “Alrighthenboy” = goodbye.

Well done lads, the Island is really proud of you! Keep at it and all the best for the future!

Blown away...

2007-07-03T10:25:00.000-07:00

The art of hitch hiking, Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! The 'Magic Thumb' is the hitch hikers main tool, but sometimes luck is more important!

Today, day 3, was really tough! 3 hours in the rain at Plymouth roundabout was not much fun... Plenty of horns blown in support, but like Kirstie Allsopp promotes "location location location"! I can only believe it was a bad spot to try and get a lift from! Then as the skies cleared and the rain stopped, a halo of light shone down on a shiny black Toyota Verso, and the good samaritan David, a Contracts Manager, took me out of my damp sack of despair! Thanks so much Dave! We got to Bristol a bit late, but in one piece.

Lovely volunteers Kirstie and Laura organised a trip to Bristol Blue Glass, and gave me a chance to show off my creative ball bag blowing skills... glass blowing! WOW!

The furness was piping hot and at one stage I could smell that distinct smell of singed pubes, I've gotta be more careful now ;)

I carefully took my big pipe with the big red end in hand, and blew what can only be described as a Dali like vase. Paul (top bloke at Bristol Blue Glass) is donating a one-off ball-tastic award for the charity! So a big thanks to Paul and his expert skilled staff for their time and support.

Tomorrow, I'm off to the wonderful kingdom of Wales! Again, your support and donations are needed, and if you see a giant pair of testicles looking for a lift (especially if its raining!) please stop and pick me up!! Remember, you can make a donation online through the website.

And don't forget that you can adopt me too!

Love you,

Mr Testicles x

Mr T(esticles) aint afraid of no sharks... fool!

2007-07-02T15:03:00.000-07:00

First leg complete! And tons of support already!
My first appointment was at Plymouth Argyle football club, to wecome the lads back to the first day of training! The boys look fit and ready to go! Here's to the Premiership next year lads! Good luck and thanks for your support...!!

Second appointment was to highlight my daredevil skills... da da da... da da da...!! It was time to feed the sharks at Plymouth National Aquarium! Wow! It's funny but I didn't hear any of that bass-piano-playing or hear Barry Humphries' menacing voice from Finding Nemo!
Stepping into the darkened and top-secret restricted access room, with just the sound of bubbles and that fishy-poo smell of an aquarium (or was it just the smell of my own fear, combined with the dead mackereI in my hand), I climbed to the top of the humungous tank and peered down into the abyss below (which is the biggest fish tank in the UK apparently!)

Staring at the 4 sand tiger sharks from above (and looking far bigger than the reflective view of the thickened glass below might I add!)... I watched them looking up at me as I wondered what they must be thinking? Overall a shrinking of the sack as I dangled my little now-sweaty mackerel into the gaping tank of teeth below! After 5 mins and still no bite, I lost my nerve and dropped the dead mackerel into the tank below!

However, my shark adventure was not in vain, as I learnt that male sharks actually have two willies! How cool is that!

So remember that for your next pub quiz! Thanks to all the team at Plymouth Aquarium for your support and outstanding and hugely informative facilities.
So my first day over, thanks to SU for the bed for the night and lovely dinner! And thanks to everyone for the car horns of support!

Tomorrow I'm off to Bristol, and I need all your support again!

Remember you can still adopt me, at only £7 a month!

Love you

Mr Testicles x

Ready, steady, START!

2007-07-02T14:42:00.001-07:00

7am on the start line... Whoosh, and away we go! With my pubes flapping in the breeze, I marched my way forward from Lands End at the very bottom of the UK! Within 10 mins I got my first hitch... lucky me! Andy the school bus driver gave me the very first lift of my adventure... free of charge! It also gave me a chance to see how stunning Cornwall is!

Children on the bus cried, "Hello Mr Hairy Potato!" ...because, for some reason, I am sometimes mistaken as the hairy cousin of Mr Pototato Head himself!! Well, after my school bus experience, I was dropped off at Penzance and got out the hitchers' best tool again, the magic thumb! And within 10 mins again... Bang! Hitch No.2... the amazing Denzal - a young writer/producer who supports young and aspiring filmmakers in the UK... (maybe one day I could even star in my own movie.. ;) Top bloke, thanks Denzal! Plymouth here we come!!

Hit by a six, and off to a fantatic start!

2007-07-01T16:37:00.000-07:00

WOW, my first ever cricket match- Twenty20 match of Somerset V Glamorgan! I'd seen testies on the the old telly, but how exciting this was to be part of the real deal!

The weather was stunning considering the foul weather we've been having lately! I even got to personally meet the Somerset team and get my picture taken! What a great bunch of lads! But as the game kicked off, the balls were flying (and me included), while the Adopt a Bollock Team pottered around with donation buckets, and ended up collecting a whopping £1,160 from the very generous and vocal crowd!
So imagine my gasp of surprise (while engrossed in the game, with the whoop and hollering and high spirits of the crowd around me as the boys wacked the balls out of the stadum) ...when Cameron White wacked a 6, and I look up and notice the crowd turning to look in my direction... until... BANG!!! It hits me right on the right testicle....!! What are are the chances in a 6,500 crowd-filled stadium and little old me gets wacked by the cricket ball, and on the testicle!!!

Well, the crowds went wild!! I was gutted I didn't have fast enough reflexes to do a Botham and catch it one handed! It was a fantastic start to what hopes to be an amazing adventure.

Thanks to the Adopt a Bollock Team for working so hard and helping to raise a cracking £1,160! Also, to the beautiful Cheryl and the team for all their support, as well as the huge crowd who gave me a huge Somerset welcome and showed amazing generosity!

So, Monday is the big push! I need to get to Plymouth Argyle football club where I will be meeting the team in training and kicking some balls around (and hopefully not getting hit again! ;) I need to get to the ground before 11:30am! Can you help!? Fancy meeting the team?

I will be leaving Lands End sign post at 8:00am so please please please help!! And then (and how cool is this!) ... I get to feed the sharks in Plymouth aquarium at 15:30! WOW, kicking balls and feeding sharks in one day...! I could really do with a room for the night each step of the way too, and can tell you alla bout my adventures! Can you help? Oh, and dinner would be really nice too :) Can't wait for the big kick off tomorrow! Must get some sleep now, got an early start tomorrow for a long adventure ahead!

Dont forget to adopt me!!!

Love you,
Mr Testicles. x

HAHAHAAH! Attention: the Testicle is ready!

2007-05-21T04:55:00.001-07:00

Well, this is it! No turning back. I have just over a month to get everything in place and if I was a giant Bum… well I would be pooing myself!

“HITCH.. HIKING the length of the UK….mmmmmmmmmmm!”

It's a massive challenge made all the harder by trying to find kind generous people to give me a lift to the next city and trying to find food and shelter for the night, oh and hopefully a big yummy dinner too, hahaha! The reason for this madness is to get the biggest media and publicity story as possible, so I can raise £50,000 for the charity which needs to raise awareness and educate men on male cancer.

Prostate, Bowel and Testicular cancer are the three biggest embarrassing cancers that men face today. Over 1,000 men will have lost their lives to these cancers in the twenty or so days it will take me to get from the bottom of the UK to the top - from Lands End to John O'Groats!

That’s over 1,000 families and their friends and communities who will have lost an important male figure to these horrid diseases! Deep down, you already know thatg there is a serious lack of male cancer awareness, compared to female breast cancer awareness. More needs to be done to address the imbalance between the cancers of the sexes.

By doing this challenge, I hope to get more men to become more aware of male cancer and to raise the £50,000 in donations, which will ensure that the charity can continue to do just that! You see, if male cancer is detected early and treated early, it provides the best chance of survival. All I am asking is think about men and their fight against cancer.

I hate being negative…but they are the fact’s… Male cancer awareness campaign is a positive charity and is positive about providing a lasting change in the fight against male cancer.

So with your support, your help, your smile, and your donation will ensure we can make more men aware of the early warning signs of male cancer. And save more men’s lives!

NOW!!! Don’t forget if you see me, I NEED A LIFT PLEASE!! And if you know anyone who can help with the challenge or help fundraise please do get in touch. info@malecancer.net

Looking forward to meeting you! Don’t forget honk your horn, and don’t forget to donate too!

Love you!

Mr. Testicles x