happy days

Adopt a premiership bollock

Everton Vs Sunderland.

I now know how premiership footballers feel the morning of a match. Giddy with excitement and nervous to a point of being sick. As all footballer commentary goes, “It’s a Big Day!!!” Don’t need to be Gary Lineker to tell me that. It’s possible my biggest event, possible 48,000 people watching a giant pair of testicles kick a bag of wind around a field. Not for the first time I hear you cry.

In all seriousness I have not kick a football it what seems like a life time, “GoodGazzaSkills!!” Were the cries the last time I kicked a ball, that’s how long ago it was. So today I walk out at half time with Everton and Sunderland fans watching my every move. My biggest concerns are if I fall over… My aerodynamic incompetence can hinder my stability, so no over head kicks for me. Even straight forward keepie uppies are somewhat troublesome, due to a serious lack of eye/foot coordination, and as for headers, out of the question- pube deflection I could score an own goal. Put all of that aside this giant bollock still made the Premiership. Yahoooooo! Hope for us all.

Everton FC have showed they are a club with balls- Allowing a giant ball bag onto the pitch at half time some would think this has “Boo” boys written all over it. But this brave move will allow their supporters to view our website and hopefully save men’s life’s. Male cancer awareness campaign will be asking all clubs to follow Everton lead and help educate their supporters on male cancer. Or failing that hoping that their talent scouts spots me.

So my thoughts as I board the early train to Liverpool are with all of the major football mascot in the country. The giant chickens, oversized dragons, mutated pirates and dogs. These wonderful and sometime bizarre arrays of giant mascots that give clubs, players and supporters total encouragement through bad times and good….This giant testicles salutes you all! I feel sick as an oversized parrot but excited as a colossal cartoon kitten. My Premiership debut is about to begin. As the great footballing icon once said…. “Haveit!”


Love you
Mr Testicles.