Saturday, 14 July 2007

Ballbag of the North

WOW!!! This testicle is worn out! Day 13 and off to the slopes! Been invited to Xscape, the premier indoor ski slope, worrying now about my odour... but a quick sniff reviews that I am good to go! I get suited and booted and step into the sub-zero temperature. Again (not for the first time on this adventure) I nearly shrivel up and do a Houdini! My nut sack is aching from its reduction in size, but this dare devil ball bag is about to carve up the slopes! But first a large fear most men have, and a fear of giant testicles... the dreaded pommel lifts. Stories across the land of skiing holidays ruined after bruised testicles from mis-used pommel lifts, but... I overcome my apprehension and am soon elevated to top of the run!

Poised like a downhill racer on ski Sunday, I leap, whiz and glide down the slopes.. my pubes flapping in the bitter cold, pulling some excellent carved turns I arrive at the bottom to the claps of the crowd. One young five year old even shouted "Well done Mr Peanut!"

A quick second run and this adrenalin-filled hairy peanut somehow has overcome the shrivelled state… And it was my good friend Rich who told me about Xscapes Valentine Nude evening a few years back where several nude men and women partook in naked skiing… “There wasn’t a lot to see,” laughed Rich. But it’s when he told me of their naked toboggan ecsapades - legs akimbo and several cases of frozen sphincters - that I laughed out loud! The poor buggers! I love skiing; I love it so much that sometimes I dream of it!

But I quickly changed from my skiis and got a chance to get my snowboard out and catch some air! And for all you snowboard heads... No, I am not a Goofy bollocks I am regular (Binding talk)! I zipped down the slope and caught some air! YAHOOO!!! Like my French ski instructor once said “Mr Testicles you are very brave, but you have no style…” And what did he expect! I am a giant ball bag! Skiing and snowboarding are such fun. It is such a social past time, great for fitness and a great way to meet people and make new friends. It’s a great experience for families and such a fun thing to do! Parents take your kids here; you will laugh out loud together and have a day you won’t forget! Oh Skiing… I LOVE IT!!! My huge thanks to Richard, Kieran and all the Staff at Xscape in Leeds for their love and support. I had such a great morning.

And so onto the Newcastle…I have a special place in my scrotum for Newcastle and in it the beautiful and highly talented Skandia Inge. Inge from Norway now lives near Whitley Bay! Inge very kindly gave me my first and only hitch and a bed for the night!

But three hours stuck on the A1, THREE BOLLOCKING HOURS, to move 2 junctions in the only nice sunny day this month! This scrotum does not know if it’s coming or going…my bagginess in this heat has been noted and must have been the expanding effect of going from sub-zero to car-melting-hot too quickly.

I arrived at 'the angel of the north' and got a good, quick photo… Anthony Gormley is such a talented artist so I paid homage to him... I’ve called it hairy ball bag of the north!

Thanks to my Good Samaritan Ingeborg for my lift, my dinner and bed for the night. Over the halfway mark now and Scotland awaits!

Please don’t forget to donate on line! The charity needs your support and don’t forget you can adopt this daredevil too!

Love you
Mr Testicles x

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