Wednesday, 18 July 2007

Wet testicle, damp testicle, battered testicle, warm testicle...

Talk about four seasons in one day!
- Horizontal rain
- Darken Clouds
- Hail stones
- And burning sunshine…

And that was all before 11am. Glasgow was a blur! My first appointment was Glasgow’s Xscape and Snodome. They invited me back to try my pubes at rock climbing. I love a good challenge. If I can hitch across the UK, then surely I can climb a rock wall!

So, I put on my binding, crippling, sticky climbing shoes and my harness. Now here’s a tip… a harness needs to be put on with ultimate love and care ensuring the family jewels are safe from harms way. This Large Family Jewel took a bit more time and care than most!
Indoor climbing is huge fun. It can be as easy or as difficult as you like. It’s a great way to keep fit and gives the body and mind a huge work out! Flying up the wall using my bollock power to make the difficult route, and with a clumsy slip I nearly came short when I went to place my hand only to find a hand grip that looked like it was shaped like a nutsack…I nearly fell off the wall from laughing so hard!
It was great fun, but again I had worked up a mighty sweat. The next challenge was the suspended assault course which pushed my ballbag ability immensely and I apologise to all the open mouthed spectators below as I struggled around this scary height, and my mighty sweat gave way and I started to drip!!

Thanks to the Pete and the guys at the climbing wall… Had such a great time. I spent another hour at the Ski Dome with a press photo shoot and because you know how much this testicle loves to ski. So thanks to all the team for making a giant nutsack very happy indeed!

Then it was onwards to Fort William… My concern turned to the distance and the time constraints as I set off. After a 5 mile hike I became more concerned at the lack of traffic in my direction… and while the horns of support from the other side of the road were plentiful, it was the view that totally distracted me. It blew my mind on the edge of Lock Lomond, so beautiful as the road twisted and became very, very narrow I felt that my awkward sweaty presence may soon be swept under a speeding coach. Combine that with several hard flicks from large ferns flapping against my sack and having my ballbags grazed by barbed blackberry bushes… But, I battled on and my persistence finally paid off!

Mary, a retired nurse, became my much needed Good Samaritan for the day. The lovely Mary did not look her age and in retirement now teaches young women who what to become nurses. We talked and laughed, her love for her job was so clear. This beautiful country is losing its best nurses to other countries and we should be looking after them. Thanks to Mary and all lovely nurses of land! Your hard work and energy are appreciated by this hairy testicle!

I was absolutely loving god’s country as they call it! With the sun beaming down on my sack, I waved goodbye to Mary, but had failed to make my full destination to Forth William. The roads were deemed too dangerous and ny now it was already 8pm. With 16 miles to go I called in for support!

It gave me a chance to take it all it in… Scotland, the real Scotland is so beautiful… Forget Russ Abbots “see you jimmy” hats (Tartan ginger hair bits) or faux bagpipe cushions… this view from Glencoe to Fort William is true Scotland. This was my Forest Gump moment (you see, part of this challenge was inspirited from the Tom Hanks film Forest Gump… “Ijustlikerunning”) The cinematic views of America in this film are breathtaking and sell America’s real beauty. Forest Gump tells “His jenny” about how “whenthesunnycomesupjenny” (sorry my Forest Gump impression) So, he tells his Jenny how he could not tell where the sky started and the lake ended. The refection of the sky in the lake was so beautiful.

Standing there, waiting for support, was that moment for me! The evening sun beating down on my tired and sweaty hairy sack. I sat and waited and reflected. One car passed in that 30 min wait. Funny, because only 4 miles outside Fort William I stopped off for a photo opportunity with the support team. There I met Gerhard, a German biker, who was prepared to drive me into town on his 250 cc Mz Sidecar! Ha! So, I arrived at my destination covered in dead midges after an exhilarating ride! Thank you Gerhard.

After that long journey, I ask you to do what you can and donate to help to raise the vital awareness for male cancer.

Love you
Mr Testicles x

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